There was never any real discussion about whether I would breastfeed or not.
My husband and I had both been breastfed as children and I always just knew that’s what I wanted to do too.
I know so many women find the thought of breastfeeding a hard concept to grasp but I have always loved the closeness that I feel (and that I don’t need to think about packing enough bottles and milk whenever I go out).
When my son Max started eating food, people began asking when I would stop breastfeeding. Initially I jokingly said ‘probably when he gets teeth’ but soon the teeth started coming through and we just carried on feeding so I would end up just telling people I had no idea, and we were just rolling with it for as long as he needed.
I often thought about when the right time would be to wean him, but I never felt the time was right so instead just kept going with the routine we felt comfortable with. Max was always a chunky baby so he fed a lot for comfort but that was fine by me because I knew it wouldn’t be that way forever.
Naturally, the more food he ate, the less milk he wanted but we kept going and by 20 months old he was just on 2 short feeds a day.
I was just coming up to 3 months pregnant and we were cuddling up for his bedtime feed one night when I noticed he seemed to be struggling. I asked him if he was getting any milk. He looked up at me with his big greeny-brown eyes and simply said ‘no mummy milk’ and my heart broke for us both.
In the end I couldn’t control it and it wasn’t my decision; my body knew it needed to give me a little rest from feeding between the two children.
I had visions of Max screaming ‘get off my boobies’ and pulling at the baby’s hair but thankfully he has accepted her arrival really well.
His little hands still find their way down my top on a regular basis but when she is crying, he tells me ‘Hallie needs boobie milk’ so he is certainly making a great big brother already.
How long I will feed for this time is anyone’s guess; despite our busy life, sinking into the sofa for a long feed or enjoying a contact nap doesn’t bring me any guilt these days. I feel these moments are our baby’s way of telling us to slow down and relax with them.
I’m hoping Hallie and I will continue our breastfeeding journey together for a while even if it is a little less relaxing when an energetic toddler is added to the mix.
Bethany Granger
Mum to Max aged 2, and Hallie 1 month